Kid’s Korner: Unusual Giraffes and Elephants

The Dwarfneck Giraffe

The dwarfneck giraffe is a beautiful but miserable animal, and goes hungry in the wild. Other giraffes eat all the low-hanging leaves deliberately to starve them. Thankfully, donations to the Dwarfneck Giraffe Society allow us to stun the dwarfnecks in their natural habitat, capture them and then elongate their necks through a combination of the medieval rack and hanging them by their ears at night. Donate now to save these mysterious and beautiful creatures.

How my donation can help:

Your donation of fifteen dollars to the Dwarfneck Giraffe Society provides enough stainless steel hooks to hang a family of Dwarfneck Giraffes by the throat ears for a week.

The Dwarftrunk Elephant

Don’t even get us started on the dwarftrunk elephants, who must sink to their knees every time they want to eat so much as a blade of grass. From early calfhood, these pitiful creatures suffer tremendously from knee-impact-related pains such as early-onset arthritis, housemaid’s knee, carpenter’s knee, archer’s elbow, Cousin’s Cure-all Tonic, and that most acute dart of pain known only to them, acute chronic angiostasis. Only your funds can save them, so please contribute now.

How my donation can help:

Your monthly donation of fifteen dollars to the Dwarftrunk Elephant Fund provides physiotherapy for an elephant for ten minutes. (Yes, just ten minutes; you know how much physiotherapists charge.) Come on, don’t be selfish – hungry elephants are crying!

A one-time donation of eighty thousand dollars can replace a dwarftrunk elephant’s front knees, allowing this most wonderful animal to live life as nature’s unfortunate genetic mutation intended.


Q: Why doesn’t the Dwarftrunk Elephant Fund extend the dwarftrunk trunk, like the Dwarfneck Giraffe Society do with the dwarfneck giraffes’ necks?

A: Hmmmm… yeah. That’s… that’s a good one. Right, well, we should probably go and look into that.

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