Regional Warning – Tipperary Steals Republic’s Treasure!

Cork farmers have been asked to be vigilant for something amateur geologists have termed Wandering Boundaries. The most recent example of this is the movement of Mitchelstown into Tipperary, starting with its caves. It is anticipated that Tipperary will make a move for the rest of the town under cover of darkness before 2015 is at an end.

Caves first, then they'll come for your women and children!
Caves now, women and children next…?

“It’s a disgrace! Geological processes that took thousands – even hundreds – of years to form, are now being rode over roughshod by local politicians,” claimed a local politician.

A member of the Tipperary Tourism Board contacted for comment said:

“We are in the process of rebranding the giant rocky holes as the Knot-mitchelstown Caves, to go along with the Knockmealdowns. There’s no problem there.”

A high-ranking official within Tipperary County Council conceded that they were in the process of expansion, “only a little bit, though” and had reached an uneasy treaty with Limerick, describing that as a

“win for us… sure there’s nothing but briars and beggars west of Cappamore!”

However, he noted that no such alliance had been formed with other neighbours, even going so far as to say:

“…Birr would be grand, but Portumna? Oh now, that’d be a tasty treat, and it’s as good as in the county already. When the next cloudy night comes… That’s all I’m saying.”

Sightings of Tipperary Civil Defence have been reported massing in Terryglass near its northern borders, where training exercises in Killeen Bog have also been observed by satellite.


If you have witnessed any of this sort of carry-on, please let us know below, and we will inform the relevant authorities. We encourage ongoing vigilance (we also encourage hot baths and 100 press-ups every morning, but that is not relevant here).

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