Who isn’t concerned by what those mad scientists are adding to your toothpaste these days? Wave goodbye to your worry.
Plagued by plaque? Cursed with cavities? Not anymore.
Try all-new Smoke ‘em™, the revolutionary new product guaranteed to make your teeth feel protected against acids, plaque and other stuff (like that gunk that gets all over your teeth after you’ve had a huge bowl of chocolate fudge brownie & ice-cream to polish off your meal). Next time, restore your dental health immediately, with Smoke ‘em™.
Simply pop outside for some nice fresh air, light up the dental stick and Smoke ‘em™. You’ll instantly notice how much better you feel, and that’s not just the blend of proprietary ingredients getting to work in your mouth, either. Laboratory studies* have shown that regular users report feeling great, looking healthier and maintaining weight loss, as part of a balanced diet.
Smoke ‘em can be used twice daily instead of flossing or brushing, to coat your teeth in a protective brown layer, scientifically proven to shield your mouth from decay and discoloration from acids in fruit and nuts and other harmful products. However, we recommend supplementing your twice-daily regime with additional Smoke ’ems whenever you feel the need. Why not start with twenty a day? Most users agree it’s the best way. Think of the savings on costly painful trips to the dentist. After all, everyone knows dentists are for losers: your teeth are safe under their layer of toxic filth. Smile, be happy, and have another dental stick. Go on, Smoke ‘em!™
*Laboratory study results not reproduced, verified or replicated independently. Smoke ‘em™ products accept no liability in respect of usage of the product.
Users have reported coughing fits, blackouts, dizzy spells and lung cancer, but they’re probably just faking.