Smoke ’em!

Who isn’t concerned by what those mad scientists are adding to your toothpaste these days? Wave goodbye to your worry.

Plagued by plaque? Cursed with cavities? Not anymore.

Your teeth will thank you!
Your teeth will thank you!

Try all-new Smoke ‘em™, the revolutionary new product guaranteed to make your teeth feel protected against acids, plaque and other stuff (like that gunk that gets all over your teeth after you’ve had a huge bowl of chocolate fudge brownie & ice-cream to polish off your meal). Next time, restore your dental health immediately, with Smoke ‘em™.

Simply pop outside for some nice fresh air, light up the dental stick and Smoke ‘em™. You’ll instantly notice how much better you feel, and that’s not just the blend of proprietary ingredients getting to work in your mouth, either. Laboratory studies* have shown that regular users report feeling great, looking healthier and maintaining weight loss, as part of a balanced diet.

Smoke ‘em can be used twice daily instead of flossing or brushing, to coat your teeth in a protective brown layer, scientifically proven to shield your mouth from decay and discoloration from acids in fruit and nuts and other harmful products. However, we recommend supplementing your twice-daily regime with additional Smoke ’ems whenever you feel the need. Why not start with twenty a day? Most users agree it’s the best way. Think of the savings on costly painful trips to the dentist. After all, everyone knows dentists are for losers: your teeth are safe under their layer of toxic filth. Smile, be happy, and have another dental stick. Go on, Smoke ‘em!™

*Laboratory study results not reproduced, verified or replicated independently. Smoke ‘em™ products accept no liability in respect of usage of the product.

Users have reported coughing fits, blackouts, dizzy spells and lung cancer, but they’re probably just faking.

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