The end of fish

Now that cows, one of the world’s major sources of pollution, are in the process of being finished off, beady bureaucratic eyes are turning to the next environmental bugbear… Fish.

What, really?

Yes, really.

Fish are desperate things, awful things. If you think pigs are dirty feckers, you haven’t seen a goldfish swimming in its own filth.

Tell me Science Stuff

Top biologists figure within ten years or so, they can have perfectly serviceable fish fillets and fish oils from laboratories without the inconvenience of farming or fishing these tricksy cold-blooded quasi-reptilian water-breathers.


The oceans will once more be returned to their natural state, and another source of pollution will have been eradicated, for good.

What About Jobs?

What about him? Steve’s gone; get over it, Apple fanboys.

On the employment front, however, it is expected that former fishermen will be employed – at least in the short term – as exterminators of waterborne organisms, promoting the growth and expansion of plant-based organisms. These will provide additional oxygen to mankind, as well as lowering the temperatures for server farms.

I’m Convinced. And Water Mammals?

Whales are not being eliminated at present until their use can be determined more precisely. Their oil has unknown benefits as yet, whilst their abilities in sub-surface survival is the envy of many defense manufacturers of submarine craft, and could yet prove useful in conquering foreign planets.

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The Nativity

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