University of West Clare

Drumdigus Advanced Learning & Research Institute


The Drumdigus Advanced Learning & Research Institute is the world’s leader in the field of PADA implementation, partnering with technological and industrial giants to develop frontier applications for PADA.

The Institute is housed in a state-of-the-art €45bn facility, funded through the generous donations of alumni of Drumdigus College, University of West Clare, and is the most expensive building ever constructed, in the world, ever.

As an example of the largesse, the walls and air-conditioning ductwork of the laboratories are lined with gold leaf. This is not in fact for scientific reasons; rather, the terms attached to a specific donation demanded such a show of ostentation (or the money would be given to charity).

More on the University’s Endowment

The University of West Clare's Clock-and-Bell dates from the 4th BCE and was built by Masons
The University of West Clare’s Clock-and-Bell dates from the 4th BCE and was built by Masons

This gracious gift of the University’s alumni is presently valued at €450bn, over ten times that of its nearest rival, Harvard University. The University’s Endowment Fund is invested in a diverse portfolio, ranging from a vast swathe of middling-to-wet marginal pasture in the vicinity, to investments in colouring pencils, nuclear warheads and tinned-food manufacturers.

Further use of the money could be outlined in greater detail here, but suffice to say, it would sicken the casual reader to know how wars have been secretly waged in poor parts of the world (just for the hell of it), bizarre and cruel research carried out on animals and human alike, not to mention the unmissable Bonfire of the Billion, held at the end of the annual May Ball just after the child sacrifices and shortly before the mass orgy.

As our founding father, Pius Barnacle, wrote on his deathbed – Research and Wanton Destruction Must be Made Freely Available, At Great Expense, to All!

Stewardship of the Drumdigus Institute

The Department Head is the world-famous Professor Wladjva Faircough, leading proponent of the PADA Macken-Tiscoate Classification System.

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